Headache/Heartache

Anybody else feeling really weird energy these days?  It’s been strange here in NYC.  Can’t quite put my finger on it, but I feel like a light is out.  Yesterday I was working in this creepy warehouse doing this freelance project and I was all alone with just a couple of spotlights on.  I put on some creepy music to further creep myself out and after I finished the project, I decided to go down into the even creepier-crime-scene-from-a-horror-movie-looking basement with my cell phone as illumination.  Big mistake.  I walked not even five feet and bam!, I slammed my head hard on a low pipe and was knocked to the ground.  Thankfully, I was not knocked unconscious because no one would have found me. Shit.

In efforts to avoid going to sleep and dying if I had a concussion, I went to see the newest Zac Efron movie playing up the street.  I brought my sewing machine as my date and saw the matinee, head throbbing, but feeling nice against the theater seat. The theater was whack and the overhead lights kept going on and off and the only other couple in the theater kept tallking audibly, but The Lucky One, shot in Louisiana was super cute. I now also like Zac Efron, who I had never seen act before and who I thought might still be a teenybopper with a squeaky voice and no chops.  He was actually good, charismatic, attractive, believable, and an alright choice for a leading man.  Taylor Schilling, also adorable  was an ugly crier, but earnest, strong, and mature.  Neither of the stars seemed like obvious Hollywoodleading people, in my opinion, and so I liked that.  I liked that they seemed a little off-kilter, not too pretty, too mesmerizing, or too out of their element in the roles they held.  Taylor, as Beth was a young mother and manager of a dog kennel flanked by sleepy Southern trees, barefoot in the kitchen, running with 6 dogs in the early am.  Zac, as Logan, was a traumatized former Marine, bent on finding the woman who’s picture he found while at war.  A weirdo “drifter”, he walked everywhere with his dog Zeus and was a borderline homeless man.  I believed it.  I think the thing that often takes me in movies or tv shows is, do I believe them?  Did I believe that High School Musical pretty boy Zac left the Marines harmed and broken and was a destitute loner and hard-worker who didn’t talk or smile much? Yes.

I loved the Southern scenery amidst cypress trees, ponds, and a gorgeous dog kennel plantation.  Nicholas Sparks loves boats and romance.  Romantic feelings = boat. In The Lucky One, there were two boats, a rowboat for that quintessential, “we-are-finally-realizing-our-feelings” moment, and there was a tugboat representing Zac Efron’s committment to Taylor Schilling, his fixing it a sign that he could be counted on, even after being banished from the picture.There were some weird parts, as most huge Nicholas Sparks-penned romantic movies tend to have, but overall it was a nice story with a bad guy, strife, and hearts ablaze in the end. I also thought that Blythe Danner as Taylor Schilling’s grandmother was great casting. They look very similar.  No matter how much I’d like to pretend I don’t like this kind of movie, I can’t.  I avoided The Notebook for years, but totally watched it like 4 times over after finally seeing it.  This shit is candy and I have a sweet tooth. I rolled my eyes a few times, but come on, love stories are nice to see, especially when there’s so much sad in this big world.

Now, I hope my head feels better.

Back to the Brothel

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1920's

The indelible Brooke Hoover & I

20's Shoes

I worked regularly as a prostitute on season one of Boardwalk Empire with some amazingly beautiful and talented and sweet people and we were all summoned back to flank Al Capone on Season 3.  We returned to “Chicago”, had a blast, and can’t wait to see the episode.

My friend Lynn wrote this last night and she so beautifully synopsized how emotionally lovely our experience on Boardwalk Empire has been in the last two years.

Friday the 13th…”Boardwalk Empire”…I was “rescued” by my own job, my passion that equals my passion for animals…I had the luxury of working with a group of beautiful women, some of who I am close friends with, some of who I would like to know better…together we helped to knit the fabric within a story already written, and we had a lot of fun doing it…we all took vacations from ourselves and for a day became other women who did not have the complications of our own personal lives…the women we became have such a mysterious future, and we all secretly hope to find out what that is….it was a wonderful day and I feel blessed to have been able to take this picture of it…wow…I love my job….

I am so happy to be a part of such an amazing production.  On the topic of prostitutes, I am also playing one today in a Columbia MFA film.  haha.  Typecast much.

75 hour work week and I couldn’t be happier!

xoxoxo D

Fashion Divorce, Fashion Make-up & A Pilot!

February 2010: Myself and my amazingly talented and devoted intern, Bethany, killed it and made an amazing collection to show for Fashion Week.  I did my biggest fashion show to date, it got rave reviews from the crowd and some press, including the Huffington Post & The AwlProject Runway asked me to audition for it’s 8th season and asked me to bring 10 pieces, as opposed to the 5 they asked of everyone else… and then I showed them the things I had worked harder on than anything in my entire life and the things I was most proud of ever and… they bashed me. I missed the final cut of contestants by one. Tim Gunn told me they’d call me that night to tell me if I was on or not.  I left the audition and made my way to my boyfriend at the time’s office to meet for coffee. I was shaking and decided that even if they wanted me, I would not accept.  I am far too sensitive to be put through the rigor morale of Project Runway’s intensity and editing. I didn’t get on, but I did realize that I was in desperate need of a fashion break.  After six years of nonstop selling, ups and downs, Etsy, customers, trends, & 16 hour days, I had to put it to rest.  I felt empty. I felt as though I had lost why I started sewing in the first place.  I’m not going to blame it on that bad PR audition, but it definitely left me questioning what I wanted of fashion.  I did not want to get into production.  I am too much of an artist to have the business-heavy skills it takes to be a real fashion designer in the fashion industry.  I was riding the wave between being a super indie handmade clothing artist and the fashion world in Vogue and I fell off my board towards the indie.  The fashion industry has a lot of evils.  I needed to re-kindle my love all-together.  I used to obsess over style.com and the fashion shows and magazines and fabrics and I found myself disinterested, feeling like a long lost daughter, unsure of her past. I pushed it away and grabbed for steady work with employers who weren’t myself; and with appointments and places to be rather than a self-made calendar.  I threw myself into acting much more wholeheartedly and my boyfriend and I broke up. I had some health problems, I kind of had a breakdown, and then winter hit. I moved out of the magnificent studio space that I had shared with ten peers, including Etsy’s founder, Rob Kalin, for three years.  The life I had known for three years was over. I was almost officially divorcing my fashion business.

Fast forward one year. My sewing studio had been collecting some dust, and I’ve become nearly completely absorbed in acting, but a glimmer started.  I sewed here and there and still sold accessories on Etsy and then a few months ago, I got a job teaching sewing lessons a few hours a week.  I made a few new dresses and pieces for myself…

Last week, all of my sadness and confusion and hard work came back full circle… Sometimes it just isn’t the right time… There were a few pieces that I was most proud of from my fashion show for Autumn 2010 back in February 2010… those things, combined with my dedication to acting (tons of classes, workshops, auditions, seminars, in the last two years) have paid the hell off.  I landed a tiny role on a new ABC fashion drama pilot called Americana. Casting was looking for SAG actors who were also fashion designers.  When I saw the posting, I screamed.  There had to be like 2 of us in the United States.  After weeks of deliberation on their part, I got it!!!! and on Thursday, three ensembles from my 2010 show that had been in a garment bag for two years awaiting their debut and two never-before seen pieces were walked down a runway on models on a freaking tv show with me as their real-life and tv designer.  This isn’t reality tv. This is a scripted Ashley Greene-starring pilot and it was utterly surreal.  I play a rival fashion design student of Ashley’s named Ann Marie. On top of it, I got to act with Emilie de Ravin of Lost & Roswell, which was my favorite show in high school. Lastly, the director of Americana is Philip Noyce, who also directed Clear & Present Danger, Patriot Games, The Bone Collector, and one of my favorite movies of all time, The Saint, which I have seen 27 times. I won’t disclose anything else.

My models & I

Hard work pays off.  I’m preparing to work just as hard from here on out.  Thank you, universe. Now, it’s time for my agent to come along….

Me Amo Rock n’ Roll

It’s my first day off in three weeks and I am going to take full advantage! I submitted to my bed last night at 9:45 and awoke at 10:20am, recalling dreams about new apartments, riding on waterslides with dolphins, and parties with friends. Oh brain!

I also realized this morning that I have tomorrow and Friday off too, so rather than dig myself an early grave and continue doing work, I’m going to the woods! I’m hopping on a bus to my parents house and I can’t wait to play with our dog and watch movies and run through the woods at 100mph, falling in holes and climbing trees…. if my weary body can handle that.

So I teach sewing lessons at this great play in Chelsea in Manhattan and I had a two hour break in between classes yesterday and decided to go to the gym. It had been a little while and I was tired, but I thought, oh man, energy’s a comin’! After running and cycling, I felt worse. My body was like, okay girl, this is it! When I got back to the sewing studio to teach, I decided to tell my students that English was my second language because I was making no sense. I kept using grammatical endings incorrectly. I was dog tired. The gym was not my savior.

I had a really erratic sleeping schedule these last few weeks, having to be at some jobs on set at 6am and then having to work at other jobs til 1am, this created a wonderful dose of insomnia, my body confused as to when it should wake up.  Last night I caught up! Sleep has always been a thing of mystery for me. It sometimes escapes me for multiple nights of lying in bed for 9 hours with no dozing. I aim to create rhythm and repetition in my schedule to doctor this. Sleep is important, man!

On a happy and healthy note, I have been writing a new play and it’s been really fun.  I have been doing a lot of research to develop the characters by watching a lot of rock n’ roll documentaries and I cannot wait to perform it for my theatre company soon.

On that note, we are having a show at the end of this month in NYC for five consecutive weeks!! Here are the deets and the new promo video we filmed two weeks ago: Me amo rock n’ roll and me amo acting/theater/my company!

Hitting Multiple Birds

I haven’t had a day off in THREE WEEKS, but that isn’t stopping me.  I have eleven orders to make tonight and I have a big audition on Saturday, so I am making myself something sweet and new to wear.  I often start with an idea and then see where my fabric and sewing takes me, so I am starting with this idea:

A rough idea

Forgive the horrible drawing.  It’s going to have a Peter Pan collar (my fav), a peplum, high waist and sleevelessness.

I’ll post the finished product. Wish me luck.

xo Desira

Fun Times

I am extremely grateful…this week has been otherworldly and wonderful and I don’t think I can thank the Gods enough.

Monday was my fifth day on the set of the new Coen Brothers movie and it was just such a pleasure. The sets, the costumes, the people, it was magical and mystical and we had a singalong with Justin Timberlake, one of the stars.

I spent most of the 14-16 hours per day laughing my head off with the new friends I met on set and managed to take a couple of photos too.

A small group shot

A Little Candid

New headshot!

Thank you, universe for an amazing week or so.  Love, Desira.

You Should Be In Pictures

I had a friend and his friend do an experimental photoshoot about 3 months ago and slowly the images are trickling in…

Here’s one that he retouched to be slightly Victorian and I further retouched to be even more Victorian:

Photo by: Rafael Iglesias

 

This one is kinda creepy. We took more regal looking ones and I want to see them!!!

That’s all for now! I have a fitting for the new Coen Brothers movie today AND an audition. AUGH!! YEAH!!!!

Silent Era No More


Things are looking up for ole Desira.

My dedication to acting has started to really pay off and I am getting excited!! For the last two years, I have been taking a variety of classes, workshops, improv, intensive programs, casting director meet and greets, seminars, informational meetings, auditions, & have been part of films, tv shows, commercials, print ads, a theater company, and life.  This summer I spent 2 months in Los Angeles, where I enrolled in the SAG Conservatory Intensive Summer Workshop Series, which was about 40 hours of auditions, cold readings, improv, industry Q & A’s, seminars, and classes.  I also was thankfully selected among a 100 applicants to participate in 13-one on one meetings with LA Casting Directors as part of the SAG LGBT Seminar this summer.  A week afterwards, I took part in the Deena Levy Theatre Studio Weekend Intensive, a life-changing event… In October I worked as the costume designer on the independent feature, Yaatra, shot in NYC.  I have been going at this nearly full-throttle.  The next step is getting an agent and really getting to work!

With that said, I had scheduled an audition at One on One for the end of November and then decided to reschedule it for after December 1st, to really allow myself time to work on the two contemporary monologues they requested for the audition.  I had one picked and down and was practicing it like crazy, but couldn’t find another that suited me or excited me.  One of my theater company buddies and I had talked about both setting up auditions at One on One to motivate each other, but he wound up going in several weeks before me.  When I told him that I had finally set up my audition time, he implored me to wait, to work my butt off on the monologues with critique because it was much harder to get in that he thought.  He had not gotten in, but was well-liked by the casting director and told to come in again soon.  Said friend was worried about my sake and said that they were only admitting 30% of those who auditioned and I really needed to be at the top of my game.  Two days before the event, I was wavering.  Friend had made me nervous.  The next day, I called to ask about their cancellation policy.  I didn’t get a hold of anyone, so I waited.  Then, something hit me and made me decide to say, “No, I am ready.” I decided to throw myself into the monologues, practicing like a zealot, adjusting, altering, and finessing my delivery the night prior.  I also set about really developing these characters for myself.  I created their stories, their backgrounds, where they lived, who their familes were, what kind of demeanors they had.  I wrote and wrote, making the monologues’ words on a page, my own. I didn’t sleep as well as I had hoped that night, but I woke up ready.  The day’s rain thrashed against my house and made for uninviting exteriors to venture out to.

I decided on a vintage 1960′s dress for myself to wear.  The two monologues I had selected were very different in period, environment, and character, but it’s best to wear something flattering. My busted umbrella hardly fought off the rain, but I made my way to the offices, furthering the stories of my characters on the walk, the subway, and in the waiting room.  I don’t know what brings this on, but lately, I have become very able to feel alien in my environment and disengage myself from myself and my surroundings.  I psyched myself out in the waiting room, becoming the livid woman I needed to be for the first monologue.  I wrote out countless things that would make me this way, recounting people, events, and feelings that brought on immense anger, rage, and frustration.

I got called into the audition room about a half hour late, so I had that extra half hour to prepare.  I went in, did my thing, talked briefly with the CD, who drilled me on my training, classes I have taken and are taking, and he sent me off with the promise of letting my know my acceptance within 24 hours.  I was sincerely uncertain of what he thought of my audition and I was leaning towards, no because of his somewhat neutral reaction towards me.

My theater company was holding new member auditions uptown all day, so I set out to watch and read to the  applicants, which was both a blast and an utterly baffling experience–the latter because of the insane asylum-worthy few who showed up at our door.  One woman, who had come completely unprepared with so much as a scene to read with us, refused to leave the premises for over an hour; spouting promises that she was so amazing, we needed to have her with us, despite her inability to contribute to our monthly member dues. I digress in efforts to avoid speaking distastefully.  We got some really stellar auditioners and made some careful and sometimes easy choices for who we would admit.  After a few hours, I got an email from One on One.  Afraid to open it, wanting to leave my disappointment for when I was alone, I caught sight of the word, “congratulations”. Shocked, I opened the email to see that I had been accepted!  Oh my word.

It was a wonderful magical day and after spending six of the nine  hours watching and participating in the new member auditions for 68 Cent, I am so excited to see how our company grows and morphs with the new talent we’ve added.

xoxo Happy Weekend!

Desira